Miranda Read online

  What are you doing?

  I looked at the shadowy door. There was no one there. I didn’t respond to the message. Then another one came.

  Where are you?

  I looked at the door of the clinic again. There was still no one there.

  Answer me!

  I didn’t look at the door any more. I had to shake the feeling of paranoia.

  Get out of there, or I’ll come in to get you.

  What the hell?

  I looked up. Through the door, there was Norman, camouflaged by the frosted glass that hindered visibility from the inside.

  You have five seconds to get out.

  But who do you think you are? What authority do you have to speak to me that way?

  I began to key in a response. A sixth message appeared on the screen.

  This is serious, Miranda. If I go in, tomorrow we’ll be on the front page of the national newspapers. My face is well known. And you are inside there. Get out!

  The door began to open. So, I reacted.

  Outside, I didn’t have the nerve to look at his face. Churning in my gut was a mix of shame and anger. He walked me up to the vehicle that had driven him. He was wearing dark glasses. He ordered Donovan to get out of the car.

  “How did you know where I was? Who told you?”

  He spoke serenely.

  “That doesn’t matter. What were you doing there?”

  “What were you doing there, Norman?”

  Flustered, he threw up his hands.

  “I intend to ask the right questions to avoid reaching the wrong conclusions.”

  I threw myself against the door on the other side and tried to open it. It was impossible, as was taking off my seatbelt. I gave Norman an angry look and then sighed in frustration. The old man smiled.

  “Childproof, remember?”

  “Norman, I am not a girl. I can do what I please without accounting to anyone. Much less, asking permission.”

  He looked at me carefully, a tender look, a look filled with a father’s love. He knocked down the fragile wall that I had built to defend my privacy. My eyes, in a rescue attempt, tried to hide my shame. Still, as adult as I thought I was, I reverted to being a girl every time I tried to outthink him. In that moment, I became a stupid adolescent, again, the kind who gets impregnated by the first idiot who spreads her legs.

  I leaned forward, embraced him closely and cried. I cried and cried. I cried even more when he held me in his arms. When he thought that was enough of an overflow of emotion, he removed his sunglasses and delicately detached my face from his arm. I was lost in his gaze. My soul so desired the company of Eliezer during these moments that I couldn’t avoid…

  “Miranda! What are you doing?”

  With both hands, Norman held my arms and separated us, tearing my lips from his in another crushing deluge of embarrassment. My body began to shake. I started crying again. Norman only looked at me as though, that way, he could discover the source of my dementia.

  “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry…” I whispered without pausing.

  The good father covered me in another embrace, still stronger and warmer than the last.

  “Tell me what’s happening to you Miranda. You’ve managed to scare me!”

  Norman had never seen me cry like this. He had only seen me shed a few dumb tears when I fell off my bicycle, and when a boy whom I never saw again made fun of me in school for living at an orphanage.

  “I need your support, Norman. Don’t ask me questions, just keep me company.”

  He placed his hand on my back. That time I was conscious of the fact that I wasn’t with Eliezer, rather his father who was also my father. Norman hugged me. We didn’t keep track of time. I only know that it was becoming dark outside.

  ***

  “Who’s the father?”

  I moved away a little. I wanted to avoid surrendering to the temptation to tell him the truth.

  “That’s what doesn’t matter.”

  “Is the situation between you so bad?”

  “I said that it doesn’t matter.”

  He sighed.

  “Does he know?”

  “It doesn’t matter, Norman!”

  “Don’t be immature, please!” He imitated my tone of voice. “I’m trying to help you.”

  “No one asked for your help. Furthermore, I’ve ceased to be your primary concern. I don’t know you, Norman. It hurts me, but I don’t know you. It’s been some time since we’ve ceased to be family.”

  Silence. In seconds, he reformulated his approach.

  “In a moment of desperation such as this, I don’t want you to do something that you’ll regret your whole life, my daughter.”

  More tears came out.

  “Let’s leave the sermon for later, Norman.”

  “In recognition of everything I’ve done for you, Miranda Wise, I demand that you tell me, at least, who the father is.”

  “That’s none of your business–not yours, and not anyone’s! This conversation won’t take us anywhere.” I tried to open the door again. “Please, Norman. I have to go.”

  He grabbed me by the arm and a freezing cold coursed through my veins. His touch was similar to that of his son: rough, rude, and irreverent.

  “You’re not going anywhere until you tell me what is going on.” He continued holding me by the arm, just as his son was accustomed to doing.

  The experience confused and so angered me that I lost control.

  “Eliezer! Let me go!”

  The pressure on my arm was relieved.

  “Eliezer?” His voice came out in a murmur. The question was more of an assertion than an inquiry.

  “I am sick of the Clausells thinking that they own my life! To hell with both of you! Consider my debt paid,” I continued, screaming,

  “God!”

  Norman threw himself on me, he embraced me with such force that I felt like I was going to explode.

  “I’m so sorry, Miranda…” he began to say. I pushed and kicked in response. He held my arms and tried to stop my crying with a penetrating stare. “Calm down, please. This isn’t good for you.”

  “In these past months, have you given a damn about what was good for me, and what wasn’t? Why has the paternal sentiment suddenly returned? You’ve only had time for, and a desire to tangle yourself up in who knows what with your wife. You’ve thrown our relationship in the trash!”

  While his voice rose, I continued fighting my tears.

  “I have neglected you, I know. Now I notice that I’ve been inconsiderate. I laid too much responsibility on you. That responsibility was mine and no one else’s.” He took a breath, and let go of me. He leaned back. “Does Eliezer know?”

  “Your son is the most fucked up person that I’ve ever known.” That is not the answer he was expecting, but the only one I had for him.

  “Does he know?” he repeated with his eyes closed.

  I shook my head.

  “He has no reason to know.”

  “At least give him a chance to find out. I’m not going to judge your decision. I only… I only ask that you not rob him of his right.”

  “Things aren’t that simple, Norman. Your son has not earned that right. Your son is a disaster! Did you know? I still haven’t explained how I fell into his clutches. Can you imagine what my life would be like if I had his baby? If, by chance, I remain by Eliezer Clausell’s side?”

  Without knowing it, I said the words that were key to making him start into another one of his sermons. This time, he rubbed the words in my face, and through them, the story that he had never told me before.

  “Miranda Wise, if it hadn’t been for the bravery of your mother, you wouldn’t be here today. Yes, I know her. Yes, I know who she is. The failed attempt to find them when you requested it of me as a gift for your fifteenth birthday was all a lie, a fabrication. Forgive me, please. I only wanted to protect you. I swore to never tell you anything about it because I didn’t believe that knowing the trut
h would help you or change your destiny.

  “Allow me to tell you a story, my daughter… the story of your life when you were still not yet self-aware. So, perhaps, you can forgive me, you can understand me, and you can perhaps rethink your decision and not return to a clinic like that. Realize what motherly love can do for you, because you, Miranda, can become an exceptional mother. You’re afraid, yes, but you’re not deficient in any way. Any way! And look at how I had to get you out of there! Miranda, you have an enviable job, a good salary, a life planned out. What are you worried about? You are, so to speak, a complete woman: educated and worldly. There have been women who have been more steadfast, and have not had even a third of what you have. So, let me tell you a story…

  “I knew your mother, Laura, at the university. Isabel and I were engaged, and they were friends. I was a friend of your father since I was a child. The four of us were living the life of university freshmen: parties, alcohol, and unbridled sex everywhere. We were free spirits full of energy and love–but we made some bad choices. So that’s how our life stories intertwine even more.

  “We had gotten so drunk that Isabel got pregnant with Eliezer. At the time, I thought we shared our reasons for deciding to keep the baby. After knowing her better in time, however, I came to realize why she had decided to embrace the pregnancy. First, she was never academically inclined, so when she had an excuse to drop out by having a baby, she did. Second, she could see that I was determined to make something of myself, so the baby was her way of ensuring my future financial support for her. Anyway, we came to an agreement: she would go live at her parent’s house, give birth to Eliezer, and take care of him, while I would finish my university studies. During that time, when Eliezer was barely two months old, Laura got pregnant.

  “Your parents had a more harmonious and stable relationship than I had with Isabel. Notwithstanding, as soon as Laura found out that she was pregnant and opted to fight for your life, your father turned his back on her and severed the relationship completely. She built up her courage and struggled against all odds. She didn’t even tell her parents because she was so afraid of how your grandfather might react. He was a stubborn man with strongly held beliefs. I couldn’t see her fight so alone against the world. Sometimes she didn’t even have enough to eat decently, including when she was working full time with her protruding belly. She wanted so much for you! She dreamed of giving you everything you needed. In time, I realized that I lost my friendship with your father for having become Laura’s rock and confidant. It hurt me, yes, but it didn’t matter that much. I couldn’t abandon her–such a fighter. During the final weeks of her pregnancy, symptoms of pre-eclampsia emerged. Then everything became even more complicated. She died during an emergency cesarean section that was nothing more than an effort to save both of you.

  “Your maternal grandparents found out about the tragedy and the news because the university authorities notified next of kin. Certain people thought that I was your father: I would take her to lunch, to the gynecologist, and I would even take her to work when her feet would swell. I took a paternity test to certify the truth that I wasn’t your father–because I’m not. I’m not your biological father. Isabel was jealous, of course, and she ended their friendship. We would fight almost daily. There was no way to convince her. Her sarcastic comments were something she would repeat every day: ‘That stupid woman is your charity case. By now, you surely have earned your place in heaven…’ She couldn’t understand. No one could understand! I felt admiration for your mother. I had never before seen a woman fight so bravely. And yes, I admit: she filled the emptiness and loneliness that I felt because of the distance to and absence of my family. I also think that I filled the void in her that was caused by that imbecile. And understand that he officially acknowledged paternity because I threatened to tell his father that he had become a grandfather and that his son didn’t even think about marriage. Your father hasn’t been anything more than a coward his whole life. Your paternal grandfather also had told him: ‘If you have children before you have a career, I’ll disinherit you.’

  “Your grandparents brought you back to their hometown. I didn’t know anything more about you until the evening when I saw you in the auditorium. You and Eliezer had reached the semifinals of the mathematics competition. He was a child of the privileged class, used to studying with the best teachers, the best books, and the best resources. You were a timid girl from a public school with worn out clothes and dirty socks. When I saw you standing there you were defenseless and fearsome at the same time. You reminded me of your mother. You had your mother’s hair, her guts, and her mannerisms. So, when I heard your name, I was shocked.

  “I knew it in my heart. You were my good friend’s child. You were the child for whom she fought so hard. I was surprised and disappointed when you won the first place medal and your grandparents didn’t show up to congratulate you. Instead it was two nuns. I found out later that your grandmother had passed away when you were less than two years old, and your grandfather didn’t want to keep you. That’s why I came. That’s why I swore to protect you. That’s why I swore to become the father you never had. Laura deserved that and more. You definitely deserved that and more.”

  “And my father, Norman… Who is he? Is he alive?”

  Naming the man wasn’t a big deal. I knew his name. It was on my birth certificate, which I obtained from the public records to get my driver’s license. Though, by that time, I had lost interest in taking the time to research him further: I was old enough to recognize how meaningless it would be since he had not played any role in my life. However, now that Norman was going into detail about my biological parentage, it wouldn’t make sense to avoid talking about my father and leave a hole in the now more complete picture of my background.

  Norman shrugged. He squinted and clenched his jaw, which was in significant contrast to the sweet demeanor he had when mentioning my mother’s name. I could see doubt in his face. He didn’t want to tell me, and when he did, he did so reluctantly.

  “His name is Paul Wise.”

  Right, I know… Wait…

  Although I had known his name for many years now, hearing Norman speak his name jarred something in my mind and made the pieces fall into place. The man who had bumped into Eliezer during our trip to New York was Paul W. Hopgood. Could he have been Paul Wise Hopgood? My heart began beating faster, because the more I thought about it, the more I believed it. The name began to reverberate in my mind like an echo. The image of his body and his face came to me out of the recesses of my memory and, like the memory, that unpleasant sensation that I felt in his presence came to me as well.

  Eliezer knew him! They knew each other!

  But… what do those two have to do with each other? How do they know each other? Why?

  My eyes watered.

  “I know who he is, Norman. He doesn’t use his real last name.”

  Norman’s face lit up with alarm and shock.

  “You know him? How? From where? Did he try to harm you?”

  The questions surprised me, but I didn’t want to give him more to worry about.

  “Where and how I know him isn’t important. As far as I know, he hasn’t tried to harm me. Why would he? And… what does that man have to do with Eliezer?”

  Norman began to look very confused. I never imagined that Norman’s face could be so expressive, because he had also learned from Ethan how to hide his most intimate truths.

  “I don’t know how nor why my son and that miscreant are acquainted, but it doesn’t please me. In fact, there is absolutely no reason for it to have happened… at least not at this time.”

  “Not at this time? What do you mean, Norman?”

  He fixed his eyes on mine. His chest sunk and he lost the little energy he had left for me. Then he began a second story.

  “You’ve always asked why I allowed Isabel to take my son and sever communication with me. I think it’s time for you to know the truth.”

  �
��Eliezer was seven years old. I lived with them and had already founded Medika which took up much of my time. My relationship with Isabel cooled, and I accept that it was my fault. We talked about divorce on various occasions. I wanted her to be happier with someone who could take care of her like she wanted. She wanted money. She said that she wouldn’t divorce me because she wouldn’t allow someone else to end up with what was hers, and that she planned on living luxuriously all her life.

  “Even though she didn’t want a divorce and we lived together, we barely saw each other; but I still noticed that she began to neglect Eliezer who had more of a connection with his nanny than with her. In fact, I don’t recall Isabel ever cuddling her son. I only ever saw his nanny do that.

  “Our love had already died. That was clear. Nonetheless, my pride as a man and as a husband gnawed at me. I began to imagine her in other arms and with other men. I thought that if that’s what her life had become, then we should get a divorce, once and for all.

  “I hired an investigator. Within a few days, he came back with pictures… many, many pictures. I could never have imagined it. The scenes I saw would never have otherwise crossed my mind. My wife, the woman I had once loved so much, was unfaithful to me with the man who had been my best friend.

  “Isabel was cheating on me with Paul Wise Hopgood. Oh, yes! That son of a bitch was slow, but he managed to exact his revenge on me just as he had sworn. ‘This will cost you Norman. This will cost you…’ he declared as soon as he attested to his paternity. That was the last time I saw him.